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26th July 2010: I Hate Teenagers.
Well, tonight is going to be a cr*p night.  I am working with Crackbaby, easily the laziest member of staff I have ever had the misfortune to work with.  So far tonight he has served customers, read Nuts magazine, drank numerous glasses of water, smoked a cigarette, asked me what to do, then ignored it, and precious little else.  Fun.  Where as I have cleared out the entire chiller of stock, am just finishing off the produce, and then I'll refill the milk cages.  I mean, the guy hasn't even faced up.  It really annoys me.  May have to ask him to do that when I get back from my break.
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Tag: Lazy Employees, Bad Days


25th July 2010: Weeeeee!  Naked Men!
Tonight has been amazing.  And it is all down to the customers.  I am working with Miss C, so there are large levels of meh around.  And there are also large levels of her whinging about anything and everything.  Including a non sarcastic "God, I really hate serving customers.  Do I have to do it?"  She didn't appriciate the comment about it being her job.

We have had one customer come in who I nicknamed Jock.  Not imaginative, he's Scottish.  And very drunk.  He was here for about an hour, hence he got a nickname.  And he asked 3 times where he was.  The thing is, he was stranded, because he arrived in a taxi, but then kept telling the taxi driver who wanted to pay for his fuel, to pay for his food.  Strangely, the taxi driver said no.  So he got aggressive and yelled at him.  So the taxi driver went off without him.  So he came back in and asked if I could call him a taxi.  Now, I do sometimes do this, but not when 10 minutes before that, someone asks me if they can hit me in the face with a wine bottle.  I kind of take offence at that.  So I told him the phones didn't make calls, they only recieved calls.  He then did the first epic thing of the night.  He hid in the back of the out of hours doctor's car and they drove off with him in the boot. 

The second epic thing of the night was a guy who came in and stripped down to his boxers and socks, then put one of the wetsuits we are selling on.  And then modelled it in front of his really quite angry girlfriend.  I actually commented that it was nice he left his pants on, to which he yelled "good point!" and put his hands on them, with his girlfriend saying "Take them off, and you are walking home in that f*cking wetsuit."  Like I said, epic.  And then we had a second guy who got absolute naked.  Not even his socks were left on.  Miss C found it a thrill, I didn't find it as much of a thrill. 

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Tags: Naked Men, Wetsuits, Hijackers, Customer Service

24th July 2010: Mystery Shopping Is A Very Precise Science
Ok, so, as much as I kinda love my company, we really do some stupid things.  I mean really stupid things.  For example, we have a customer satisfaction survey.  A mystery shopper comes around, grades us, and then reports back.  Now, this I understand.  I do do a bit of mystery shopping here and there.  Well, come on....I work in retail!  Who understands shops better?

Anyway, so, we get scores back, but in percentages.  Normally I love percentages, but this one throws me for a loop.  Try to get your head around this.  For customer service, we scored 83.3%.  Let me repeat that.  83.3%.  How can you score .3%?  "Well I was going to give them 83.5%, but her lipstick was smuged, so docking .2% for that!" 

But there is another funny thing.  Funny,  but shouldn't be funny.  Queen Chav's mum cleans the store.  Nothing wrong with that.  But now her mum has had a stroke and is in hospital.  Very sad and I have said prayers because she is very unwell.  But the cleaning last time was graded 82.2% (again, what is with the .2%?)  This time, now we have Paul Bearer and Lemar cleaning the store, we scored 100%. 

Another thing we do which is really stupid -  biometric clocking in.  Fingerprints.  The whole thing of biometric clocking in leaves me cold anyway, for reasons I will discuss in a seperate post, but, here is the really f*cking dumb part.  There is a memo on the wall which states we are getting biometric clocking in as of today, and then tells us that we have to clock in with our employee numbers until then.  Uh huh.  So the point of probably expensive, almost certainly insecure biometric clocking in is....?  Answers in the comment box.  Best answer wins a finger of fudge.

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22nd July 2010: Take Our Stock.  And Our Supervisor.
Tonight has been interesting.  Lots of The Bombshell stropping around the store because he has new tasks to do, and we have little else to do tonight because we're in the middle of a stocktake.  It takes forever!  But it does mean we can't work much, because they have to check the quality and quantity of everything in the store by hand.  A long job.

Which mostly leaves serving customers.  The first customer I had was an Entitled girl.  I loved bringing her down to Earth with a bump!  So, she swaggers up to the till, throws a pasty on the counter and asks for king size silver rizlas.  Uh huh, because you want to make superking rollups?  Anyway, so she looks about 16, so I ask her for ID.  She yells at me that she is 21.  I shrug and say that I have her word for it only.  She sighs and tells me not to be funny, so I tell her that I am just doing my job.  So she slams her hand on the counter and says "Yeah, whatever, forget it mate!"  I'm here to serve customers, not take abuse, and not deal with childrens temper tantrums.

Anyway, she was back about an hour later and threw a pasty on the counter, after unsuccessfully trying to dodge me several times.  I served her and she asked for king size silver Rizlas again.  So I asked her for ID.  She threw her driving licence at me, which confirmed she was actually 21.  I handed it back and she pulled a face and said "See!  Told you I was 21!  F*ck's sake!" 

As I said to Miss C, I am used to abuse when I ID people.  The best one I ever got and recieved was a guy who had no ID so screamed at me "Yeah mate?  Yeah?  Well you're f*cking ugly.  You ugly f*cking c*nt!  What do you think about that?  Eh?"  I smiled sweetly and said "What do I think?  Not much.  But I know I have cigarettes and you don't."  He literally just screamed at me and left.  Funniest experience of my working career.

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Tags: ID Cards, Stocktake, Entitled


21st July 2010: A Personal Post
So, I've decided to write a little more.  It's more of a personal entry rather than a work entry.  I'm trying to get back into the swing of blogging.  And it's a lot more work than it appears to be!  There is the tagging of posts, the PR work, the writing of the post itself, the pinging the blog.  Yes, I know some of this work I bring on myself, but I don't care.  As I've said before, I'd rather be in complete control of the platform I write on that hand over control to someone else for ease of use.

But then there are other things which I do which make the process easier!  For example my laptop has a 3G socket built right into it, meaning no dongle.  Plus it has built in wifi, so I can use it anywhere.  So I have the choice to blog anywhere I want.  And I sincerely think that I wouldn't be able to do much of this on an iPad.

Which brings me to my next point.  I am sick of people who know I am a technology geek asking "Are you going to be getting an iPad?"  NO!  They are horrible devices!  Come on.  Seriously?  No USB sockets?  No SD sockets?  Not even a Micro SD socket?  I get why, to keep it thin.  But they could have included a micro SD socket.  I don't understand why. 

The other thing that people ask me a lot of the time is "Can I have your blog address?"  Sometimes I give it to them, but the thing is, the same people at work who got me into trouble for the last blog, ask me for the address.  Why would I ever give them the address? 

So, that's it for this somewhat rambling post.  No reason for it, but hey, I just felt I needed to get some stuff off my chest!

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Tags:
iPad, Blogging, Netbook, Blog, Rant


21st July 2010: I'm Baaaaaaack!
Ok, so, I haven't blogged for a long time.  I know this and I am sorry.  But I have been ill with a cold which for a little while I thought could well be Malaria.  So I was somewhat concerned with that.  Plus I was put on for 7 nights without a day off, so I was kind of exhausted.  But now I am back, recharged, still down with a cold, but feeling better.

And tonight we have had some real morons in.  I mean, take my first customer for example - first of all he argued the time with me until I informed him that it had to be after 11pm because I would not be on a checkout arguing with him if it was before 11pm.  Then he snorted that it was just bad customer service.  I shot back that if he had left a little earlier, he would have got his beer.  This did little to help his mood and he glared at me for the rest of the transaction.  Before, this would have unsettled me, but since returning from Honduras I am far more confident and I really didn't care what he thought of me.  According to one of our drivers, he was outside kicking his car, slamming the door and banging the steering wheel of it.  Nice, rational person.

Then I had another customer who really annoyed me.  He is one of a growing breed of people I call "entitled".  I hate these people with a vengeance.  They believe they are better than anyone else, and they think that because they are better than anyone else, they deserve better treatment.  So, Slaphead was serving, and I was about to take over from him, but this guy clicked his fingers and said "Open a till for me, I am in a hurry!"  I shot him down with a glare and a "There is only one other person in front of you, I will not open a till for you".  So, when it came to me serving him, he snorted "You have quite an attitude problem don't you?"  I smiled and said "Sir, I was not the one clicking their fingers in a supermarket demanding that a checkout was opened expressly for them."  He shrugged and said "Well, I am late now, so what does it matter?"  I thought better of arguing some more with him...

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8th July 2010: I Am A Little Bit In Love
Today has been a better day than yesterday.  My girlfriend wasn't ill, although her ears are starting to flare up again.  And I got a decent sleep!  I've nicknamed my apartment "The Fridge".  It's currently at a toasty (for English people) 19 degrees.  My girlfriend complains that it's too cold, and the cleaning lady always turns off the air con, but it's perfect for me.

And I have to say that Honduran food is delicious.  To date I have tried Plantain, Baledas, real Nachos, refried beans, real Tortillas (if you've only eaten them in Europe, you are missing out).  And my girlfriend cooked for me today.  She is such a great cook.  I feel a touch ill after eating it, but I feel a little ill after eating anything here.  But I am never actually sick.  I think it's the richness of the food and how different it is to European food.  Not spicy, just different.  I mean, refried beans are mashed beans, fried in a pot, then recooked.  They have a little kick to them, which apparently is natural. 

I did have one shocking moment though - I went to an ATM to get some money, since I've almost run out, and the ATM refused my card.  However, we went to a bank and the machine accepted my card and I got more money.  Living is cheap here, but I have been paying for me and my girlfriend for pretty much everything.  And for those concerned she may be scamming me, I am getting plenty in return for the pittance extra I am paying out.  Besides, where else in the world are you going to find cigarettes for a dollar for 20? 

I also met my girlfriends parents and brothers today.  I had already met one brother a few days ago, and he seemed nice.  But then I met her other brother today.  We had a rocky start.  My girlfriend told him that I was scared about meeting her father, and him, and he laughed and then starred at me and called me a p*ssy.  Now, for confidence, I had drunk an entire can of Monster energy drink.  Until that point it hadn't been working.  That was the spark I needed.  Cue me being machismo in person.  I stode ahead of him, and then got a coffee and my revenge.  I offered to buy him a coffee, and he said he already got one.  He mocked me again when he said "Ohhhh...he doesn't take sugar?"  I shrugged and said "Or milk, do you?"  My girlfriend translated and he said he didn't.  I flashed a smile and said "Shame, figured I might get a chance to return the P*ssy comment".  The comment got to me.  Caffeine, taurine, ginseng, and vitamins make me aggressive.  So when we got to her house, he mocked my choice of cigarette, a light and said he thought I would smoke a man's cigarette like a Marlboro Red.  My girlfriend said "They are smoking minty thingies".  I grinned and said "Menthols?  And you call me a P*ssy?  Didn't you know menthols were developed for women who can't take the taste of a real cigarette?"  Cue silence and sulkiness from the pair of them.  She later told me that despite strutting and appearing confident, the brother who made the comment isn't really that confident.  He fled after a comment I made to him.  He is a Linux guy too, but his new netbook runs Windows 7. I commented that he runs Windows, and he said he sometimes uses it still.  I said "When you need something to work?"  He laughed and said that was pretty much the case, then left.  Her dad was cool, and her mother wanted to know all about England.  I indulged her because she is ill with dengue fever.  Apparently I am a true gentleman for paying for their dinner last night and their drinks and snacks tonight. 

I am going to miss Honduras.  Tomorrow is my last day proper in the country, and I am really going to miss it.  Being here is like being in Europe 100 years ago.  It's rough, untamed, things don't always work the way you expect, and everything looks dangerous.  I love it.  I can see why my girlfriend fought so hard to stay here.  But there are problems too.  I mean, dengue fever is epidemic here at the moment, and malaria is still a real threat.  They are fighting it, but without wishing to insult my amazing hosts, they are fighting it with plastic knives.  They fumigate.  A lot.  But they don't have the money or resources to do something drastic like Europe would, something like an aggressive genetic resequencing of the mosquitoes (the tech exists). 

It's scary how fast things are going to progress.  In 5 and a half months my girlfriend will be in England for Christmas.  A few months after that, she will be back there to live.  Linuxtag is in May 2011, and she is planning to come to it.  As I said in a little chat I had with God before I left, he put a volcano in my way last time, this time, he is going to have to stop me a little more permanently if he wants to derail my plans.  It's the girl I love - and nothing is stopping me.

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7th July 2010: Fevered Dinner With Dumbo
Today has been a mixed day.  First off, I had a very hot night because I forgot to put the air conditioning down to low. It meant that I was waking up roughly every hour of the night with sweats. Then I called my girlfriend who told me she was ill, but still came around, but had HUGE red ears which were burning up.  So she called her uncle who is a doctor and who told her it could be dengue fever - a horrible virus but not contagious.  Then we had the cleaning woman come around and tell us that she was going to be fumigating our floor to kill moquitoes, which is always a good thing.  Right now I have the whole "phantom nits" thing.  Where if you think about them, you begin itching.  I am the same with mosquito bites right now.  A lot of itching.

Then we went for lunch with my girlfriend's brother.  I had the best steak sandwich I have ever had.  Some kind of a pink sauce, chunks of steak, covered in melted cheese.  And then I had some of her nachos.  Also very, very good.  And then we went to the university medical centre, waited around, got refused an appointment, so we went to the pharmacy, and were told it was probably allergies, and got given a cream.  My girlfriend put the cream on, and a while later, her ears began to go down and stopped being so red. 

But then we got the terrible news.  Her mother has dengue fever.  So we ate at burger king, kind of solomnly, then she ran be back to the hotel and went to the hospital to spend time with her mother.  Fortunately dengue fever, whilst being serious, isn't too bad as long as you get treatment.  I mean, it is something that if you're alert enough, you can treat it at home with over the counter medicines (paracetamol for pain relief).  You just need to keep your fluid intake up, hence sometimes needing hospital treatment. 

Tomorrow, cross fingers, is going to be a good day.  I've said prayers for my girlfriend's mother, and we're planning to spend time doing the tourist thing.  I think trainers will be needed!  My girlfriend said that we are going to do a lot of walking tomorrow, but she wants us to see everything the city has to offer. 

Now, I know the prayers thing isn't something that non believers "get" but studies have proven that they work, and my sister who is a nurse has seen identical cases, one being prayed for, one not, and the one who was prayed for getting better faster.  As I write this, I have a 100% record when it comes to my prayers being answered for other people who are ill.  I just hope it keeps up. 

SO, that is me.  I am having a really good time out here, and I will be hugely sad to leave on Saturday.  We're currently shopping for tickets for her to come over at Christmas.  I have to say, I really like Honduras.  It's a kind of relaxed and chilled out country.  I mean, my girlfriend, her friend, and I were trying my e-cigarette in a book store, and no-one said a word.  Today, my girlfriend was using my e-cigarette as a smoke machine in the medical centre and we were all giggling like children, we got a few glances from a few people, but once they saw the green tip of the e-cigarette, they didn't seem to care.  Can you honestly see that happening in the UK? 

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6th July 2010: How IS 3rd World Wifi Better Than European Wifi?
Ok, so, lots to blog.  I am at my hotel in Honduras.  The country is amazing.  Still adjusting to the climate, but that should only take until today.  But I have one major, major issue I need to make. 

Honduras is a 3rd world country.  All their cabling is overground, which leads to my geek dream of being able to see where everything goes.  My girlfriend says it is ugly, I think it's beautiful.  I digress.  The hotel has wifi.  Nothing strange there, I specifically wanted a hotel with wifi.  But how is it that a country with nothing can do wifi properly?  I am serious.  They have it set up properly, SSIDs seperated by floor, multiple aerials, central location of the router.  It's not rocket science.  Ok, so it's less than 1mbps, but it works.  And it's consistent. 

Now, take the wifi I used in Germany in my hotel room.  Germany, a country with more power and money than Solomon.  The wifi didn't work because it had two aerials, both pointed at the ceiling, resulting in crap wifi.  The router was not in the middle of the floor, and the SSID was the same on every floor.  Result?  Confusion for any device trying to connect to the wifi. 

This is the 21st century.  Free wifi is not a luxuary any more in hotels.  It is standard.  Working wifi is standard.  I've yet to see a better implementation of wifi than in Honduras.  It's everywhere.  And this is a 3rd world country.  The streets are screwed, everything is screwed, but you know what?  They look after people here.

And the room is amazing.  I have two rooms, one office and one bedroom.  Both with beds.  The bedroom has a widescreen tv with cable.  Not hotel cable, cable cable.  Never seen that before. 

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5th July 2010: Yes Dear, Clouds Live In The Sky
Now, I am quite tolerant of other people.  I work with 99% idiots, it trains you for the stupid.  But my god, 3 hours and 20 minutes never seemed so long.  And I was asleep for a good 2 hours of it!  I was sat next to two really stupid girls.  Everything was amazing to them.  Now, one I could forgive because she was a first time flyer.  And flying for the first time is amazing. 

But seriously, the other one who was talking her through flying?  "Ohhhh...clouds!  Yay!  We can take our belts off!  We're landing, it almost feels like crashing!"  That last statement I had to keep my mouth shut on.  I mean, seriously?  How does landing at all feel like crashing?  There is no fire, no carnage, no dying.  But she managed to surpass herself.  "What if the plane didn't stop?"  Honestly honey, I've heard about what happens, and you do not want to be on board when it does happen.  Think of this - planes land on tarmac for a reason.  Guess what happens when they hit grass?

And Miami Airport is amazing.  It has a smoking lounge!  Seriously!  So far on this trip I have been to New York, and their airport is non smoking with a vengeange.  I was told in no uncertain terms that I could not use my e-cigarette as it would encourage smoking.  Again, decided to keep my mouth shut.  Actually, straw polls suggest it encourages vaping.  And I struggle going 4 hours without a cigarette.  Going 12 was a breeze.  And I have to think that it was vaping.  Normally on a plane I need gum, because I can't smoke.  I drank coffee, ate pizza, slept, watched Russell Brand, listened to a bit of Linux Outlaws, it was fantastic. 

One last point I want to make in this post is the way Latin people pronounce Guatemala.  I love it.  I especially love the way my hot Honduran girlfriend says it, but hey, I am biased!  But I just heard an announcement for it, and I love the way they say it.  No idea what it is.  I can only assume it's my Autistic affinity for words, because, and this will sound really strange to you, but I see a flowing ribbon of water which "feels" like silk when I hear it.  And Kinsinthsesia is odd for me.  I don't really have it. 

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5th July 2010: Here In THe New York.  Cabbies Will Con You.
I just got through security.  At least it's not a hassle.  Scan bags, scan shoes, scan atomizer and liquid for e-cigarette, scan laptop, and we're done.  Quick and easy.  Not quite as easy as it is back at home, and definetly not as easy as it is in Gran Canaria, but hey, the Americans have very good reasons for being this through.

But that isn't my main issue.  My main issue is the b@stard new york cabbie who ripped me off.  F*cker.  $200 for a 25 minute ride.  Even though I was tired, bit jet lagged, it was no excuse for not using my wits to realise he was a con man.  But he did get me to the hotel.  Just wish I'd known there was a free bus to the hotel from the airport.  But at the end of the day, he's still a f*cking git, and I hope he dies of herpes.  Oh, and Mr Taxi Man, don't think this is it.  There will be follow up posts.  Heh heh heh.

And being in the US on the 4th July was amazing.  Even as I left my hotel at 2:30am, there were still fireworks displays happening, and you could hear music on the wind.  Our versions?  St Georges Day, well, that's just a washout.  And I don't think we even celebrate Commonwealth day.  Despite being the head of it.  But seriously, we have 5th November, Guy Fawkes Night - where we celebrate someone trying to blow up the Houses Of Parlement with gunpowder by...ummmm...firing off gunpowder charges into the air.  Right...

But something funny just happened.  I was about to sign this post off, and then I heard a voice booming "Smoking is not allowed in the terminal".  Methinks that someone just got busted!

I am getting quite tired now.  I think I will get as much sleep as I can on the plane.  Right now my priorities are food, then sleep.  In that order.  The guy at the hotel asked if I was hungry, and like an idiot, I said no.  Although I had just finished a delicious pizza from the aeroplane.  Now I am hungry.  Anyway, enough prattling on.  I'll post this when I get a chance!  At the moment wifi is few and far between!

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4th July 2010: Swearing Is Swearing - I Don't Give A Sh*t Where You're From
Ok, so, I have decided to blog my journey from England to Honduras.  I get the feeling it's going to be eventful, so I figure it's going to be blogworthy.  Check in was more eventful than I was expecting, but big props to American Airlines check in clerk James at Terminal 3, Gate B of Heathrow Airport.  He was a bit stern to start with, but softened up and by the end of the process turned out to be a really nice guy. 

And it is AMAZING what shaving off a goatee does for security.  I got rid of the goatee so my passport photo looks more like me.  Has to have been the least eventful security ever.  And they didn't even blink at my electronic cigarette.  However, the bugger of it is that I left my 5 pack of cartridges at home.  Meaning I have 4-5 cartridges to last me the trip.  Well, 4-5 cartidges and a very expensive packet of cigarettes from the airport.  Decided I needed a real one (or two) before security. 

So, now I am sitting in a cafe at Heathrow, having cleared security, having been served a nice cup of coffee and a mediocre sandwich by a very grumpy cashier.  Apparently she was sh*tty because she'd just given change to someone who had a voucher, and she shouldn't have given change.  Well, we all f*ck up, and it does put you in a really bad mood but you do NOT bring it to your customers.  But what was inexcuseable for me was that a supervisor had a go at her in front of customers (unprofessional) but she turned to the supervisor and replied Kulvar (or however it is spelt).  Which means f*ck in Polish.  I don't care if you're English, Polish, Indian, Honduran, American, whatever - you never swear in front of customers in any language.  It's just unforgivable.

So, that is me at the moment.  I guess I will blog some more on the plane.  Oh, and Caffe Italia in Heathrow, you should be ashamed of your staff!  But your coffee is awesome.



2nd July 2010: Electronic Cigarettes Are The Way Ahead I Tells Ya.  And I Was Right About Flash, Linux and Twitter...
Tonight has been...well...interesting.  It's just The Bombshell and I, which means not a lot of talking, a few jokes here and there, but mostly him being an overbearing boss and me trying to rise above it.  Thank God I am on holiday tomorrow.  I don't actually leave until Sunday afternoon, which gives me plenty of time to get things ready.  Most of the important stuff is already done - passport, taxi, tickets, hotel bookings (thanks darling) and clothes.  I just need to get my washbag ready, and maybe pack a couple of books in my bag with my laptop.  Because this time I've decided that unlike in Germany, where I took fairly bulky equipment, since I am going long distance, I am going to travel lighter.  So, just a couple of USB keys, a portable CD rewriter, and an MP3 player with my laptop and it's two 8 hour batteries.  Oh, and obviously my wifi adaptor. 

This said, I do need to make a couple of software modifications to my laptop.  I want it running the latest version of my trimmed down Linux distro.  I currently have it down to 94mb for an entire OS.  Including browser, Flash, a wide range of wifi adaptor drivers, a nice UI, and a network manager.  So I want to try and install that on my laptop before I go to the US.  I just think it would be pretty useful!  A small, light, powerful OS which doesn't use much power.

I also ran into a guy who used to work for The Chicken Company, who wants his old job back (unlikely, he called The Boss the C word, the W word, the B word and the told him to F his job up his ass.  And then walked out.  That to me is resigning in style.  Ok, so he's not going to get a good reference, but when it comes to resigning, it's not the worst way to do it.  Anyway, I digress.  He said to me that he had just bought an electronic cigarette too.  He isn't so sure about his, but he has a refillable unit which he is using to supplement his cigarettes.  I told him to persevere, and to try and buy new juices for his unit.  He was quite jealous of my model which comes with a new atomiser every refill, a wide range of ever expanding flavours, and decent customer service.  Oh, and two batteries.
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1st July 2010: You Are Not Bulletproof.  BANG!  See?  Told Ya.
Tonight has been bad from the outset.  First up we had The Happy Hippy in.  My god, her mouth truely is spring loaded.  She just never shuts up.  She wanted to know all about my electronic cigarette, and did not shut up about it until I actually told her to shut up.  It didn't help that Posh Boy wanted to butt in every few minutes with what it was.

Then there is Miss C.  She's acting just the way I suspected she might.  You see, she got a massive boost yesterday from everyone, including The Boss.  Now she's walking around like she's bulletproof.  She isn't.  But she'd love to think she is.  Maybe I should side with The Scotsman temporarily and bring her down a peg or two. 

But the best thing I heard today had to be The Boss.  He left a message for me telling me he wanted me to empty the bins and clean the toilets.  Not a chance.  If he thinks I am going back to my old ways, he can forget it.  They pay a contract cleaning company to do it, and just because the guy has died, doesn't mean I am going to do it.  It's the contractor's job to find someone else to do it. 
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On reflection I do know that sounded callous, but I'm going to be blunt - if a member of staff dies and does the job I used to do 5 years ago, it's not my job to downgrade my responsibilities and take over their role.  That is what contract cleaning companies are for.  And The Boss should be telling them to get someone else in, not leaving messages to get me to do it.

Then there were the tills.  Now, I taught myself basic mental arithmatic, and I taught myself how to use the tills.  The former was far harder than the latter.  Anyway, I still get flustered if things go wrong.  And I have an agreement with management that I can have a breather if things get like that.  Try telling Miss C that.  So I tell her that I am freaking out, that my head is literally spinning and I can't concentrate.  She tells me to get over it and keep serving.  So I ask her if she believes she is supervisor already.  She tells me that I am just another CSA and to get over it.  I tell her that all the other CSAs are neurotypical, and I'm not.  She lets out a deep sigh and says "I see, going to drag out the Autism bullsh*t again are you?  Well, I'm not listening.  Just get on with your job!"  And with that, she disappears for 45 minutes because she needed to fix a computer. 

That was the other issue I had.  She yelled at me "I will fix this computer!  I am the computer expert around here!"  Oh really?  This from the woman who claims her Browser is called Google and that her computer probably runs the latest Windows.  Turns out her Browser is Internet Explorer 6 and she is using an unpatched Windows XP.  When I told her that her copy of XP needed massive security updates, she sighed and said "You really don't understand computers do you?  This is a Vaio, it doesn't need updates!"  As I informed her today, Obviously the fact that real computer experts look at me with awe and respect for using Linux, then more awe and respect because it's my own distro, means jack sh*t because she doesn't know the difference between a browser and a search engine or the difference between the name of a make of laptop or the name of an OS.  Which is what all computer experts lack.  So no, I am not a computer expert.  I know far too much.
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